Substance abuse prevention

Hear From the Expert Feature Article

Dear Expert,

Why Won't a Baby and Drugs Meet the Real Needs of Young Girls?

- A Parent

Dear Parent,

She's so happy her heart skips a beat despite knowing that her news will not be well received. She'll pretend that it came as a surprise and only confides in certain people hoping that they will tell those she's afraid to face. She decides to wait and be sure before she tells anyone but by the end of the day all of her friends know. Their typical reaction is of excitement and joy. She encourages them to leak the news to her boyfriend and get his reaction. Her girlfriends inform her that her boyfriend is real excited and hopes it's a boy; they don't tell her he's angry because they feel sorry for her.

When her mother finally knows, there's a lot of yelling. "She'll come around," she tells her friends. She feels that she can finally stop pretending that she didn't want this to happen because she did, and many of her girlfriends share the same desire - a baby to them is a way out of a bad situation. This event will do a lot for her - she thinks it will solve everything. She is way behind in school, so she'll drop out. She has been in treatment for drugs and alcohol and is sure pregnancy will make her stop using. Her boyfriend doesn't come around much - she's got the way to make him stay and she "just knows" that the minute he sees the baby he will fall in love and they will become a family.

Her girlfriends talk about being able to be like "Godmothers" and help her out; they are like her in that they are also missing nurture and stability. They talk about getting an apartment where there are no adults to tell them what to do. The pregnant girl soon learns that she can't get an apartment so she's forced to stay home and take care of the baby. The fun and independence will not be an option, because her mother will be there. She hopes the baby's father will get a job so they can be together but since he hasn't completed high school the future looks grim.

She finally has the baby. It's a girl! She knows he's going to love her, because she looks just like him. The distant boyfriend finally comes after a day and a half. He tells her that the baby is beautiful and that he'll do anything he needs to do to make things right. She apologies that it is a girl. She calms down, as she hopes he wants to be a family.

Reality however, soon sets in. She hears that he's got a girlfriend and her friends say that he really likes her a lot and they see them together all the time. He has totally left her life and doesn't even visit the baby. Her days are spent feeding, changing, watching soap operas and being stuck inside. She is totally overwhelmed. She really would love to go to the mall or just hang out. She can't because her Mom won't baby-sit and constantly reminds her that "You made your bed etc. etc." She hears that her friends are partying and having fun. One night the baby won't stop screaming, she tries to soothe her but nothing works. She picks her up and she screams as loud as she can "I hate you, I hate you". The screaming scares the baby and she stops crying for a moment. Finally, after three hours the baby sleeps. She would love to get some marijuana because she could "chill" and maybe not have to think about everything. She knows that she promised that she would never do drugs again but this is just too much. She thinks people would understand that a little pot is no big deal she can still take care of the baby - it's not like I'm addicted or anything.

Unless a miracle happens, her baby girl will grow up lacking the nurture, security, caring love and a father. She'll meet her needs the same way her mother did - she's at high risk to do drugs and have a baby when she's far too young. (and the beat goes on)

For any questions or comments, please call the expert (Susan D. Wallace, Executive Director, CaritasRI, (401) 722-4644 Ext. 301, visit CaritasRI.org, or email Susan) and mention the Hear From the Expert article at Be In The Know RI.

Link to Hear From the Experts Archive

Hear Recent
Radio Spots

"Purchasing 1"
Radio Ad

"Purchasing 2"
Radio Ad

"Purchasing 3"
Radio Ad

"Ask Your Kids"
Radio Ad