Substance abuse prevention

Hear From the Expert Feature Article

Dear Expert,

Why Do Parents Need to Get Sober?

- A Parent

Dear Parent,

I want to shout, "look at me." I am running and today it's not away from anything; I am running for pleasure, for my health, simply for the fun of it. My whole body feels coordinated and my mind is clear. I am taking deep breaths. I feel clean. This day is beautiful. I wave to people as I go (runners love to acknowledge each other). "Hey, I am one of you," I say to myself. I'm in the ranks of you health freaks and I love it. I used to put you down and call you obsessive. When I used to see you running along, you reminded me of how sick I was both physically and emotionally. Now my body feels more balanced with every step I take. I can actually hear my own heart. I am aware of everything going on inside of me, outside of me, around me, and in front of me."

Today the world looks freshly washed. It's as if I have put on glasses--not rose-colored ones mind you, but clear ones. My imaginary glasses let me see "reality" at long last. I cherish this day because I have finally crawled out of a hole, a hole where I couldn't see or feel. I was literally drowning. I was always running from life. Now I run out my front door, I go a few miles and then I turn around and come home. Before now the course I took was in a circle--a never-ending circle--that began with me feeling bad and ended with me feeling worse.

The three tiny voices finally registered and came through loud and clear. "Mommy, are you sick again?" one small voice asked. The six year old answered for me and said, "Mommy has a headache." My head was pounding, my stomach felt queasy, and I was in the shakes; but for some reason that day was different. The six year old told the other two to let mommy sleep. She coaxed them out of my room and sat them in front of the TV. It occurs to me that she has taken over my job. She seems much older than six because she understands what's going on. Watching her handle my job hits me like a bomb. I cannot hide any more. On that day, I got up, opened the curtains, I made coffee and I looked at their faces--I really looked. I saw their confusion yet they were excited (can you imagine it, they were excited because I got up). "Sit with us Mommy," said the youngest. They all fought to be next to me. They seemed so forgiving and so needy. They have learned to grab onto anything I gave them. That day was my turning point.

Today I am running, not in a circle but in a line. I have a beginning, I have a middle, and I am in a race that is going to last for the rest of my life. The race never ends, but I continue to run in it. The road is winding and scary. I don't know what lies ahead. My mind often tells me to get out of the race because it is too hard; but I fight it and keep on. I realize that before I was in a much more complicated race because I lied and manipulated and pretended. I wasn't in shape to race. I was physically sick all the time. Now my emotions feel lighter, my head doesn't pound, my body feels healthy, and I do have a goal. Some days when I run I have a saying that I keep repeating to myself and I smile to myself as I say it--I'm sober, I'm sober!! I'm sober!!

This is dedicated to all of the women who run in the race. I am on the sidelines and I am cheering you on. You start slow, you pace yourself, you build up, and you keep running and you win the battle that comes with each new day.

For any questions or comments, please call the expert (Susan D. Wallace, Executive Director, CaritasRI, (401) 722-4644 Ext. 301, visit CaritasRI.org, or email Susan) and mention the Hear From the Expert article at Be In The Know RI.

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