Substance abuse prevention

Hear From the Expert Feature Article

Dear Expert,

Is Adolescence a Good Time to Let Go?

- A Parent

Dear Parent,

Absolutely not! And, why do some parents think when kids get to a certain age they can "bring themselves up"? Many parents let the reins of responsibility for their children's upbringing drop at the most critical time in their kid's life. Recently a mom came for parent group and could not stop crying. She feared for her daughter who had an emergency hospitalization for an overdose. She was totally shocked at the extent of her daughter's problems. Lots of kids get into drugs and alcohol as a way to medicate emotions. It's a terrible time. Some parents may be drug and alcohol users, live in poverty, have perhaps suffered major losses like death, divorce, job loss or sickness. Kids often use drugs as a way to survive. Other family issues may include parents who do not suffer from life altering events but who are too busy to pay attention to their kids. They are not evil, just complacent, which comes from not knowing the dangers that exist in the community. Another family type is the "heads in the sand" type having no idea of what goes on when their kids are out with friends. Today, all families need to hold on tight for a few years longer because the world is dangerous to the survival of their kid.

The primary goal of adolescent substance abuse treatment is to understand both parents and their adolescents in their context and tailor treatment to respond to their presenting needs as well as underlying problems. Family involvement is critical to the recovery of the adolescents helping them to have open communication, as well as giving them limits and discipline. Positive family involvement should help shift the power dynamics from the adolescent back to the parent; power that includes shared values, strict structure and discipline. Too many kids overpower their parents through guilt because they want the upper hand. If possible, that hierarchy should be reestablished early in the treatment process. Most adolescents both substance abusers as well as non-users get control in the family and in a sense hold the parents hostage. Much of this comes from fearful parents living in a scary society. Many parents' back off and let kids have control because they are afraid of drugs and suicide and a host of other things.

When parents are lucky enough to get help for their kids they feel weak, battered, powerless and unable to help their child. At admission they are often on an emotional roller coaster. They question whether the placement was the correct choice and feel guilty and ashamed about having to transfer their parenting responsibility to others. Put yourself in their place and try to imagine what it would be like to go through this terrifying process. It is important early on in treatment to reassure the parents and to explain the program philosophy. They are told that they would be both consulted and included in all phases of their child's treatment. We do not assume their role. Parents are encouraged to have full participation in treatment even though they may have DCYF involvement.

Sharing the treatment philosophy helps ease some of the parents' fears. In addition, some parents need to be reassured that counselors and other parents will understand their needs. In forming alliances with the parents, the counselors must also respond to the parents' own desires for nurture, structure and predictability. Failure to recognize the parental needs during treatment can often compromise adolescent's treatment. Parents also need time to develop strengths and skills. Addressing these parental issues is a priority because if they are not addressed, the parents' fear and frustration can compromise treatment. When anxiety is addressed, parents can begin to hear and learn about the program. The program is modeled on the basis of what should constitute a well functioning family. This does not mean perfection, or race, or socioeconomic status. It is about nurture, predictability, communication, safety and respect for each other and parents in charge.

For any questions or comments, please call the expert (Susan D. Wallace, Executive Director, CaritasRI, (401) 722-4644 Ext. 301, visit CaritasRI.org, or email Susan) and mention the Hear From the Expert article at Be In The Know RI.

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